Airing my views…

Actually, not sure if this will be a view, a thought, a rant or just a bunch of malarky, but it’s been on my mind, so here goes.

The way i feel:

Oh, and by the way, i am writing this as i am waiting to hear from Master, not knowing if i will get to see Him today or not. As most of you know that read my blog, Master and i haven’t been able to see each other on a regular basis because of His job, etc. We have a long distance (about an hour apart) relationship, but we talk to each other most every day, either by phone, text or email.  Continuing….

I am Master’s slave. I have been since the day He put His collar on my neck. That locked it for me. I FEEL like His slave. I KNOW i’m His slave. I think about that all the time. Master does not “control” every aspect of my life because He knows He can trust me and i know i wouldn’t do anything do jeopardize our relationship. So, there’s no need for Him to dictate my every move.  Now, that’s not saying that He won’t instill more control in the future, or from time to time about certain things. I’m just saying this is how it is right now. But, even with the minimal rules and control Master has for me, i AM, without a doubt His.

How do i feel about that? Satisfied, loved, happy, content. THIS is what i have looked for all my life and just didn’t know it. Of course, there are some days that i miss Him terribly (lots lately), but i know i WILL see Him. There are some days i feel a little disconnected when i didn’t hear from Him, but i know i WILL hear from Him. There are days that i’m just onery and fussy because i need all that He does for me (to me) to straighten me out. There are days i wish He could be here with me every day. But, that’s not in our cards right now and i knew this from the beginning. 

BUT, do i ever question the fact that i’m a slave or that i love being His slave? NO. Not ever, not once.  To me, being His slave is more than just what we do. It is how i feel inside. It’s how He makes me feel inside and out.  Even during those long weeks of not seeing Him in person and those days i don’t get to hear His voice, i still know i am His and am happy to be His slave.

Okay, nuff about me…

My point is this: Why do i read on so many slaves’ blogs where they are questioning their slavehood and/or their Master? It’s like this ultimate rollercoaster of wondering why they are in a M/s relationship. I see doubt, anger, selfishness, irritation, cursing, dissatisfaction, and a lot of non-submissive and non-slave-like personalities coming out. I’ve even seen one say she “hates” it, she likes to be “in charge.” (Girl, you are in the wrong place!) I see it over and over. I don’t want to get into definitions here; because i am sure there are some that will say that i’m not a slave. But, i AM to Master. Period.  I’ve seen the term “super submissive” here lately. Huh? Does being “super submissive” make one a slave? I personally don’t think so. But, i would think if one is super submissive, they they shouldn’t have much trouble being a slave, if that is what their Master wants of them. Right? Then, i see some who question whether they even LIKE being a slave. Really? Maybe this is just a way for some to work out their problems on paper, i don’t know. But when the same girls blog over and over about their problems with slavehood, i would think that eventually, they will either decide they ARE or ARE NOT a slave. Girls, MAYBE you just like the kink? MAYBE you just like it rough from time to time. MAYBE you are not a slave. And, if you are not, IT’s OKAY. Just figure it out for yourselves and stop being miserable 4 days out of 7. It’s my thought that most of these girls would be totally bored with just a regular “joe blow,” and a few weeks out of their collar would cure them, one way or the other. If you are unhappy in your relationship, or if you don’t think it’s for you, get out. Try that vanilla man across town, you’ll know for sure then, right?

So, that’s just my views on the matter. I’ve just always felt that you ARE or you AREN’T. There’s no middle ground when it comes to being a slave. And, if you aren’t a slave on the inside, you sure as heck aren’t going to be one on the outside.

~steps off soapbox~

So where have i been? Busy as heck! My brother was in a bad auto accident last Monday and i’ve been helping out with him and my parents a lot. He’s going to be okay. The accident was not his fault. GREAT negligence on the other driver. He will have a lot of rehabilitation after his knee surgery. But, he’s alive, and that’s what matters most.

Master and i (as stated above) are doing well. Today is the first day of the strike. He’s all excited about it. It may last for several weeks, not sure. I’m hoping like crazy that it will enable Him to come to see me more. Cause, i’m a GREEDY slave and He knows it! I WANT more of His mastery. Yummy!

I’ve lost 22 pounds now. I weigh again tomorrow, but i don’t think i did well last week. Too much stress with brother/family. But, even if i dropped one pound, i’ll be happy.  Master is pound and happy for me, and to hear Him say that means SO much. It’s so great to finally have One who tells you how good you look and that you’re pretty and sexy.

Welp i’m off here for now. Hopefully, i’ll be posting a little more often.

Me.

Wanted to share this…

Heart of a slave …

… is an individual born with a slave spirit. No one can make an individual have this spirit; nothing can be done to create this state in an individual’s being. No one trying hard or wishing for this sense of spirit can develop it within themselves, and no Master can cause it to occur. A slave is an extraordinary human being who is born with this slave spirit — as much as they are born to breathe, or to have gifted talents like design or music.

A slave is extraordinary, rare — and most often confused until they discover their slave spirit heart. Most slaves wander through life feeling unfulfilled — as if they have a “dark hole” in their spirit — a hole that can be temporarily filled with an abundance of sex, work, addictive behavior or other whole-life-consuming factors.

slaves often have a sense of the spiritual (some become clergy), but feel this sense of spiritual awareness to be disconnected from their desire for a Mastery/slavery relationship. A slave has a right to feel joy and pride in their slavery and in service to a Master.

In their confusion, many slaves interpret Dominance as Mastery; SM as completion; or fetish focus as the fulfillment of the “dark hole” in their spirit. Many can find enough fulfillment in these areas to develop a sense of “wholeness” (often a quiet longing exists; although for what, the slave doesn’t know).

Heart of slave can be actualized only when the spiritual journey occurs that connects this “dark hole” in the spirit, first to the whole spirit, and then to the universe. It is a process of a painful and trusting leap of faith that causes this connectedness to occur — a truly spiritual journey. Heart of slave can only be complete in service to a Master and it is within this service that the spiritual journey occurs. slavery is not about a “hard dick or clit experience,” although hard dicks and clits happen and are enjoyed.

slavery is the completion of a spirit in search of “connectedness” in the universe.

— Taken from a talk given by Master Steve to OCLA

 

Me

Keeping busy…

I’ve been home now for four days. If it wasn’t for the work, i’d be ready to go back to work. I know there will be plenty piled up for me to do and catch up on.

So in the past four days i’ve read several slave/sub’s blogs and tinkered a little on FetLife. And what is up with BlogSpot? I still can’t read Baby’s blog or any other supported by Blogspot. FetLife pretty much just irritates the heck out of me. I see the same questions over and over, the same answers over and over, maybe; just depends on who’s answering. How many times do we need these terms defined? Master, slave, masochist, sadist and submissive. Maybe it’s how many different ways we need them defined…until, the definition fits whoever is asking. I donno, i’m babbling. There are firm, correct definitions to each of those words. You either ARE or ARE NOT one of them. Simple, right? I do remember a time when i needed answers and had questions. So i do understand that. But now, i don’t. I know what i am. I am comfortable with what and who i am and i have stopped trying to analyze myself and others to death. I found a site a few months ago that I really liked. It’s Humbled Females. It’s cut and dried, plain and simple and very easy to understand. It may be a little over the top for some. However, they have some very good Essays for those who are seeking answers. There’s a great essay on What is a Master (and what is not).  It’s a most awesome writing. I’ve linked Humbled Females here on my blog, too.

On another note, i am missing my Master so very much. It’s been hard lately for us to get together as much as we did last summer when we met. I got spoiled to seeing him almost every week, or at least every other week. His job is very frustrating for him right now and he has other very important obligations, too. So, i kept my slave’s mindset today and busied myself by straightening up our toy drawer and putting a leather handle on the wicked stick. It was too long for the toy drawer so now it’s hanging in the closet with the new cane and our other longer implements. I hope Master likes it.

The Wicked Stick

Later, in keeping with my “healthy” ideals, i went for a long walk with a friend and soaked up some sunshine, then came home and swept out my garage. My car has lots of room now that son isn’t here.  

Now it’s just me, the TV and a good nights rest.  Take care!

Me.

Four Words…

I found these four words carved on a paddle online:

Perfect Immediate Graceful Obedience

Those four words together really made me think. I want to be all those for Master.

Perfect:  I’m not by any means. But when i’m with Master, i’m closer to being perfect. One, i feel good about myself when i’m with Master. Two, Master makes me feel good; closer to perfect. i do feel that i have perfect obedience to Master. Well maybe almost perfect. Sometimes i stumble a bit.

Immediate:  Every feeling i have regarding my relationship with Master is immediate. There is no hesitation in doing as He wishes. I don’t second guess Master or question Him. I’m immediately obedient.

Graceful:  I am not graceful in movement, but i submit to Master with grace and love. I can be tender and graceful in my actions and manner and voice. In this way, i can be gracefully obedient.

Obedience:  I obey Master without question. It is what i want and what Master wants from me. i am His slave. Obedience is expected from me and i gladly give it. He is my Master – greatly deserving perfect, immediate and graceful obedience.

Me

I’m still here!

I’ve been very lax about writing here. Not sure why. I have been doing pretty good about keeping up in my journal for Master. He has gotten behind in keeping up with me, so i did slow down a bit for Him. Now that He is finally caught up at work (YES!), it’s full steam ahead.

Master has been to my new digs twice now. He was here on Sunday and we had a wonderful time. It was an unexpected visit; i thought He was at work. Nope! He arrived here a lil after noontime and we spent a couple hours being very in tune with each other. He is an awsome Master and i feel so comfortable and right with Him. We click together on so many levels.

Afterwards, we went out to eat. I love watching this Man eat! In fact, i have trouble eating my own food for watching Him. You can just see the exquisite pleasure He gets from eating a good steak and all the trimmings. And, our conversations are always interesting and thought provoking at times. He does make me think. There is rarely a time we’ve been together that He hasn’t taught me something, either about Him, me or the world. I love that!

I’ve asked Master for a collar that i can wear all the time. I was hesitant about asking, mostly because i don’t think a slave should ask for things, but He encourages me to communicate my wants and needs, so i did. I love the collar i have that i wear when He is here, but i wanted something to wear all the time, at work, shopping, to bed even. He liked the idea and i’m spose to be measuring my neck. (Thank You, Master!) Can you believe i don’t even own a measuring tape?

As far as the rest of my world right now, i’m struggling a bit. Feeling kinda burned out at work. I’ve pretty much been doing the same thing for 25 plus years. Boss has been in a good mood lately, so that does help. Got word today that the opposition is going to refile an old lawsuit that we’ve been dreading in a week or two. Yippie! (NOT) Eventually, that will mean some overtime for me, but not for several months; i hope. Finances are stressed (can’t seem to get son to get a job “cause he’s in school now making something of himself”), but we are still working on that. I’ll pull through, i always have. I’m carpooling with a friend that now lives only about 4 miles away. That helps a lot with the gas. But, you know how it is – there are so many things i want to buy for the house: table and chairs (a need), decorative stuff (wants), rugs (need and wants), new blinds (need), patio furniture (can wait till Spring) and more than likely in the near future, a new/or good used fridge. Oh yea, a Television! I’m borrowing one from my friend right now. Honestly, i don’t watch it too much. But, i’d like to have a nice one for when Master comes over to watch movies on.

I’ve been working on meditating every evening. At least taking 15-30 minutes to myself, sometimes more. I’ve found it difficult some nights – i can’t get my brain to shut down and just breathe. And, like last night, i couldn’t stop thinkng about my day with Master, so it was useless to even try. Master has encouraged me to meditate and do my Kegels at the same time. Interesting, but actually difficult. It does make you concentrate though and zoom in on ONE body part, or two!

Okay, well i think i’ve talked more than i expected, and it’s getting toward bedtime-i think, this time change has me a lil mixed up still.

Hugz!

Me