Airing my views…

Actually, not sure if this will be a view, a thought, a rant or just a bunch of malarky, but it’s been on my mind, so here goes.

The way i feel:

Oh, and by the way, i am writing this as i am waiting to hear from Master, not knowing if i will get to see Him today or not. As most of you know that read my blog, Master and i haven’t been able to see each other on a regular basis because of His job, etc. We have a long distance (about an hour apart) relationship, but we talk to each other most every day, either by phone, text or email.  Continuing….

I am Master’s slave. I have been since the day He put His collar on my neck. That locked it for me. I FEEL like His slave. I KNOW i’m His slave. I think about that all the time. Master does not “control” every aspect of my life because He knows He can trust me and i know i wouldn’t do anything do jeopardize our relationship. So, there’s no need for Him to dictate my every move.  Now, that’s not saying that He won’t instill more control in the future, or from time to time about certain things. I’m just saying this is how it is right now. But, even with the minimal rules and control Master has for me, i AM, without a doubt His.

How do i feel about that? Satisfied, loved, happy, content. THIS is what i have looked for all my life and just didn’t know it. Of course, there are some days that i miss Him terribly (lots lately), but i know i WILL see Him. There are some days i feel a little disconnected when i didn’t hear from Him, but i know i WILL hear from Him. There are days that i’m just onery and fussy because i need all that He does for me (to me) to straighten me out. There are days i wish He could be here with me every day. But, that’s not in our cards right now and i knew this from the beginning. 

BUT, do i ever question the fact that i’m a slave or that i love being His slave? NO. Not ever, not once.  To me, being His slave is more than just what we do. It is how i feel inside. It’s how He makes me feel inside and out.  Even during those long weeks of not seeing Him in person and those days i don’t get to hear His voice, i still know i am His and am happy to be His slave.

Okay, nuff about me…

My point is this: Why do i read on so many slaves’ blogs where they are questioning their slavehood and/or their Master? It’s like this ultimate rollercoaster of wondering why they are in a M/s relationship. I see doubt, anger, selfishness, irritation, cursing, dissatisfaction, and a lot of non-submissive and non-slave-like personalities coming out. I’ve even seen one say she “hates” it, she likes to be “in charge.” (Girl, you are in the wrong place!) I see it over and over. I don’t want to get into definitions here; because i am sure there are some that will say that i’m not a slave. But, i AM to Master. Period.  I’ve seen the term “super submissive” here lately. Huh? Does being “super submissive” make one a slave? I personally don’t think so. But, i would think if one is super submissive, they they shouldn’t have much trouble being a slave, if that is what their Master wants of them. Right? Then, i see some who question whether they even LIKE being a slave. Really? Maybe this is just a way for some to work out their problems on paper, i don’t know. But when the same girls blog over and over about their problems with slavehood, i would think that eventually, they will either decide they ARE or ARE NOT a slave. Girls, MAYBE you just like the kink? MAYBE you just like it rough from time to time. MAYBE you are not a slave. And, if you are not, IT’s OKAY. Just figure it out for yourselves and stop being miserable 4 days out of 7. It’s my thought that most of these girls would be totally bored with just a regular “joe blow,” and a few weeks out of their collar would cure them, one way or the other. If you are unhappy in your relationship, or if you don’t think it’s for you, get out. Try that vanilla man across town, you’ll know for sure then, right?

So, that’s just my views on the matter. I’ve just always felt that you ARE or you AREN’T. There’s no middle ground when it comes to being a slave. And, if you aren’t a slave on the inside, you sure as heck aren’t going to be one on the outside.

~steps off soapbox~

So where have i been? Busy as heck! My brother was in a bad auto accident last Monday and i’ve been helping out with him and my parents a lot. He’s going to be okay. The accident was not his fault. GREAT negligence on the other driver. He will have a lot of rehabilitation after his knee surgery. But, he’s alive, and that’s what matters most.

Master and i (as stated above) are doing well. Today is the first day of the strike. He’s all excited about it. It may last for several weeks, not sure. I’m hoping like crazy that it will enable Him to come to see me more. Cause, i’m a GREEDY slave and He knows it! I WANT more of His mastery. Yummy!

I’ve lost 22 pounds now. I weigh again tomorrow, but i don’t think i did well last week. Too much stress with brother/family. But, even if i dropped one pound, i’ll be happy.  Master is pound and happy for me, and to hear Him say that means SO much. It’s so great to finally have One who tells you how good you look and that you’re pretty and sexy.

Welp i’m off here for now. Hopefully, i’ll be posting a little more often.

Me.

I’m still here!

I’ve been very lax about writing here. Not sure why. I have been doing pretty good about keeping up in my journal for Master. He has gotten behind in keeping up with me, so i did slow down a bit for Him. Now that He is finally caught up at work (YES!), it’s full steam ahead.

Master has been to my new digs twice now. He was here on Sunday and we had a wonderful time. It was an unexpected visit; i thought He was at work. Nope! He arrived here a lil after noontime and we spent a couple hours being very in tune with each other. He is an awsome Master and i feel so comfortable and right with Him. We click together on so many levels.

Afterwards, we went out to eat. I love watching this Man eat! In fact, i have trouble eating my own food for watching Him. You can just see the exquisite pleasure He gets from eating a good steak and all the trimmings. And, our conversations are always interesting and thought provoking at times. He does make me think. There is rarely a time we’ve been together that He hasn’t taught me something, either about Him, me or the world. I love that!

I’ve asked Master for a collar that i can wear all the time. I was hesitant about asking, mostly because i don’t think a slave should ask for things, but He encourages me to communicate my wants and needs, so i did. I love the collar i have that i wear when He is here, but i wanted something to wear all the time, at work, shopping, to bed even. He liked the idea and i’m spose to be measuring my neck. (Thank You, Master!) Can you believe i don’t even own a measuring tape?

As far as the rest of my world right now, i’m struggling a bit. Feeling kinda burned out at work. I’ve pretty much been doing the same thing for 25 plus years. Boss has been in a good mood lately, so that does help. Got word today that the opposition is going to refile an old lawsuit that we’ve been dreading in a week or two. Yippie! (NOT) Eventually, that will mean some overtime for me, but not for several months; i hope. Finances are stressed (can’t seem to get son to get a job “cause he’s in school now making something of himself”), but we are still working on that. I’ll pull through, i always have. I’m carpooling with a friend that now lives only about 4 miles away. That helps a lot with the gas. But, you know how it is – there are so many things i want to buy for the house: table and chairs (a need), decorative stuff (wants), rugs (need and wants), new blinds (need), patio furniture (can wait till Spring) and more than likely in the near future, a new/or good used fridge. Oh yea, a Television! I’m borrowing one from my friend right now. Honestly, i don’t watch it too much. But, i’d like to have a nice one for when Master comes over to watch movies on.

I’ve been working on meditating every evening. At least taking 15-30 minutes to myself, sometimes more. I’ve found it difficult some nights – i can’t get my brain to shut down and just breathe. And, like last night, i couldn’t stop thinkng about my day with Master, so it was useless to even try. Master has encouraged me to meditate and do my Kegels at the same time. Interesting, but actually difficult. It does make you concentrate though and zoom in on ONE body part, or two!

Okay, well i think i’ve talked more than i expected, and it’s getting toward bedtime-i think, this time change has me a lil mixed up still.

Hugz!

Me

Sunday! Sunday!

I’m really beginning to love Sundays! Master, just left; we spent the entire afternoon together. Master brought several shopping bags full of stuff. I had no clue what was in any of them. I was so surprised. He has been under the weather and even so, He went shopping yesterday and bought stuff….for me….and us! There’s no way I could go into everything He brought, so, i’ll just touch on the MOST important one!  Look!!!!  He said “if you’re going to be my slave You need to wear my collar.” He brought the chain, made it right there in the bedroom, sized it to fit. Then made me wrist and ankle chains as well! ~squeals!~

Master's Collar

I’m SOOO pleased with it. It was a big surprise and i’m so very happy. (Thank You, Master!)

Next, i sat on the bed and watched as He made a cat-o-nine, which was oh so nice. After getting all rigged up and a little on the exposed side, Master tried out His new whip, a nice piece of oak and his belt on my ass and back. Which are both sporting some very nice color at the moment! The afternoon only went up from there, and we didn’t even get to everything in the sacks!

I’m back in a happy place and feeling very good about things. We’ve a lot to explore together. My heart thumps hard in my chest every time i think about that. He’s awesome and i find it hard to maintain a docile composure while He’s here. I just want to squeal and giggle! I know, not very composed.

I know i’m leaving out lots of “details”, but there will be time for that later. He’ll be back next weekend and by then i’m sure i’ll need much more of the same. I just wanted to let you know I’m GOOD and things are wonderful!

(Thank You, Master for a perfect afternoon.)

Me